All the Massachusetts Towns Ben Affleck, Matt Damon, and Jimmy Fallon Mispronounced

"Three guys from Boston mispronounce half the town names in Massachusetts"

Apologies for the lack of newsletters this week, it's been a very busy week over here in Burns Notice HQ. But now that my Xtra column and the latest Cancel Me, Daddy episode is out, I finally have some time to sit down and write for you all.

There is so much happening in the news cycle right now and I have lots of thoughts about what's happening, but as of this morning, I don't have a compelling angle to discuss any of it quite yet. I'll be back next week with the usual news analysis.

In the meantime, let's have a little fun.

This segment from Jimmy Fallon's show popped up on my YouTube algorithm the other day and I found it pretty entertaining. I'm not usually one for Fallon, I think he's pretty irritating in general, but I am nothing if not a Masshole, and so I watched the whole thing.

Overall, they got most of the harder towns right. Worcester and Gloucester pop into mind immediately.

But there were several egregious misses that I can't let stand. So let's gather around as I dunk on two guys from Southie and a New Yorker who pretends to be from Boston for mispronouncing Massachusetts town names.

Here are the towns I noticed were big misses, then down below I will list the ones my BlueSky followers pointed out that I am not 100% sure how to pronounce myself (feel free to tell me in the comments!)

-Quincy (pronounced "Kwin-zee")

This was the most ridiculous miss from Affleck, who I thought had the most consistently solid pronunciation in general of the group. He pronounces it "Kwin-see", which any local will tell you just isn't true. I find this one particularly funny because (and I haven't gone back to verify this) but I'm pretty sure he pronounced it right in "Good Will Hunting" (1997).

-Amherst (pronounced "Am-urst", the H is silent)

This is sneakily one of the toughest town names on the whole list. Amherst is a college town in Western Mass and home to my alma mater, UMass and i wouldn't expect someone from Boston to get this one right.

Only hyper locals know this one. Interestingly, there are a couple dozen place names in the US with Amherst as all or part of the name, and the Massachusetts town is the only one of the bunch with the silent H. Feel free to correct me on this in the comments if you know of another silent H Amherst place.

Each of these places are named after Lord Jeffrey Amherst, a brutal British General who was commander-in-chief of the British continental army in the Seven Years War (known in the US as the French and Indian War). He is best known for giving small pox infest blankets to native tribes in an effort to claim their land for white settlers.

So, you know, good times.

-Haverhill (pronounced "HAYV-rul")

This is another sneaky one. Haverhill is a town on the northeastern border of Massachusetts with New Hampshire and it looks pretty straight forward to pronounce at first, but no, the E and H are both silent.

-Medford (pronounced "Med-fid")

I had a college soccer teammate from Medford and I will never forget how he pronounced his hometown.

-Petersham (pronounced "PETER-sham" or "PETER-sam"

Yeah I had to look this one up.

-Norfolk (pronounced "NOR-fork" or "NOR-fawk")

Chris “All I Want for Christmas is to Abolish ICE” Heller (@hellertime.bsky.social)

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-Mattapoisett (pronounced "ma-tuh-poy-suht")

I will credit them with getting another sneaky town name correct also: Holyoke (pronounced "HOLE-yoke" not "Holy Oak").

Did I miss any? And for all of you non-Massholes, what towns in your state are commonly missed by those not from the area?

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