It's Been 10 Years of Katelyn

I can't believe it's been a whole ass decade since I began living my life as my true self

Ten years ago today, on October 20, 2016, I sat in my small suburban apartment in Maine and slipped on a pair of black high heel pumps and walked out the door to go to work. It was my first day at my bank job as my true self.

The high heels lasted until I got into my car, where I decided to replace them with black ballet slippers. I've never worn the heels again since then.

This wasn't the piece I had planned to write. I was actually half way through another piece about a recent poll that showed Americans trust Democrats more than Republicans to handle transgender issues. That piece will come later this week. Instead I wanted to reminisce a little about 10 years as my true self.

I've experienced a little bit of everything since then. I've dated men, women, and enbies. I've been raped. I've been stalked. I've watched me have a career I never could have imagined blossom into something amazing. I moved to DC, then back to New England. My kids have grown up. I've had the highest of highs and the worst of depressions.

People tell me I'm brave for coming out as trans and transitioning but I don't feel brave. I wanted to be a woman for as long as I've had memories. For years I watched in an odd detached sort of way as someone else, the guy I pretended to be for decades, lived my life. To me, "becoming a woman" was akin to breathing oxygen.

Everyone makes transition out to be this huge deal for trans people, but the reality is that all of our problems with transitioning come from other people. It's the anxiety of how will everyone else in my life react to my transition? Will I lose someone who right now gives me critical support to live my life? Will I lose my job or apartment if I tell people the truth about who I am in my own mind?

For me, being a woman is the easy part, it's everyone else that's the problem.

My transness is maybe the least remarkable thing about me. I hope people remember more as a funny, smart woman than as the first ever openly trans Capitol Hill reporter.

Upon reflection, me taking that job for Rewire was both the best and worst decision of my life. It was good because I learned a ton about how our national politics work, and I got a ton of street cred within journalism. It was bad because to do the job, I had to move away from my kids, and I ended up spending two pandemic years in a cockroach infested DC area apartment (it would have been rat infested too but my cat Samwise was an excellent hunter).

Everyone knows me as "the trans writer" and I understand why. Heck I literally called myself "trans scribe" on Twitter. But people forget my beat on the Hill was abortion rights, not trans rights. These days I find myself less and less interested in covering trans politics and am more interested in how it fits into this broader right wing power grab we're all living through. But it seems like people are still primarily interested in my trans politics coverage.

I understand why so many trans writers before me that did wonderful, amazing work on trans news, politics, and our experiences have disappeared into the ether of every day life. There's a complete disconnect between my private self, where trans things only rarely come up in my every day life (mostly between me and my doctor) and my professional life, where being trans defines me completely, it seems.

As I look back on these past ten years though, I don't regret a thing (except maybe that dreadful apartment). If I could go back and talk to that scared woman who slipped on those heels that fateful autumn day, I'd tell her that one day she'll wake up and realize that she hasn't thought about her transition in months. I'd tell her not to date that one guy from Topsham, I'd tell her that she is way more talented than she realizes and that there's nothing she can't accomplish.

Most of all, I'd tell her to forgive herself for the mistakes she's about to make.

If I've helped you learn something, or feel something, or laugh at something, I'd love to hear about it either hear in the comments or on Bluesky.

I'm streaming today from 3-6pm ET where we'll be breaking down all the political news of the day: Twitch and YouTube.

Thank you all for reading and supporting my work over all these years. Some of you have been Patreon supporters since before I came out publicly at work and I couldn't be more thankful for your support!